Are you shy, have Social Anxiety Disorder or Avoidant Personality Disorder? Have you been called shy all your life but you feel it could possibly be more than just shyness?
The life of a socially anxious or avoidant personality is not fun. In fact, it can be very sad and lonely.
People don't understand you. You appear cold, aloof and uncaring. However, the reality couldn't be further from the truth. Anyone that took the time to get to know you would find that you're a sweet, kind, caring, and sensitive person. You desperately want to make and to have friends but you feel so inept and so self-conscious that it is hard for you to open up to people.
You think so little of yourself and push people away without realizing it. Your self-esteem is low and you have a poor self-image. In your mind, you deserve to be alone.
When I encounter a person that appears to be shy and withdrawn, I will smile and say hello when I see them. In the beginning I will have to speak first each time but as time goes by they will eventually open up. The day they say hello first is a rewarding day for me.
Having Social Anxiety Disorder is a little different from being shy or having Avoidant Personality Disorder. The shy person will eventually relax and open up. The socially anxious person is more nervous and afraid (anxious) around groups of people. The avoidant personality is afraid and anxious around groups of people as well, especially people they don't know, but they are more concerned with being embarrassed, humiliated and afraid of what people think of them.
They desperately want to be accepted but are afraid to be themselves. They feel they are not good enough and basically think they are a bad person. When they interact with people they are so afraid and nervous that they will become another person just to fit in. They are "people pleasers" and think people won't like them if they're honest.
If the shy person is invited to a party they will more than likely take a chance and attend, whereas the avoidant personality will "avoid" going for fear of doing something stupid to embarrass themselves. They will either make up excuses why they can't go or if they do get talked into going, they will find an excuse to leave early. They will then torture themselves all the way home. They torture themselves with thoughts, real or imagined, of how dumb and stupid they acted and how everyone noticed their dumb and stupid behavior.
Each time this happens it reinforces the already negative feelings they have about themselves. This also justifies their avoidant behavior. The armor of avoidant protection continues to build and things get worse and worse. Sometimes it gets so bad they become hermits and have very little social contact outside of work.
It is said that medication doesn't work well with Social Anxiety Disorder or Avoidant Personality Disorder. The treatment said to work best is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Other therapy sessions can go on indefinitely, however, CBT sessions are for a set amount of time (usually 16 weeks). Patients learn to look at their thought patterns and discuss the ways they view life and the world. They already know that the way they think is unreasonable, they just feel powerless to change.
There is a lot of homework with CBT. You are given tasks to perform and you will be challenged to do things that you have avoided all of your life. For example, if you find it hard to make and/or maintain eye contact, your assignment may be to have a conversation with someone and not look away. You would then come back and discuss everything about that experience with the therapist.
If you can stay with it, CBT has really positive results and a high success rate. The problem comes in when the patient is so afraid to step out of their comfort zone or paranoid that the therapist doesn't have their best interest at heart. They may also believe that the therapist is being insensitive. If the patient loses trust in the therapist, they will not continue with the sessions. However, if they are serious about changing their life and want to be happy with themselves, they will gladly continue.
If shyness, Social Anxiety Disorder or Avoidant Personality Disorder doesn't describe you personally, you may know someone who should read this article. This article could be an ice breaker for you if you've wanted to talk to them about their behavior but did not know how.
If you are a teen or a young person do not be discouraged. You can research on the Internet and read plenty of articles and books on the subject. Find out as much information as you can. Knowledge is power. Along with getting as much information as you can, challenge yourself with little acts of courage. I heard a statement once that I love, "Having courage is not the absence of fear, having courage is being afraid and doing it anyway." Force yourself to do things like maintain eye contact or be the first to say hello. Take baby steps.
Have a great and happy life and just know there is a lot of help out there and a lot of people who really care...honest.
Disclaimer: The content of this article is provided for general informational purposes only and is not intended as, nor should it be considered a substitute for, professional medical advice. Do not use the information in this article to discontinue your medication, for diagnosing or for treating any medical or health condition. If you have or suspect you have a medical problem, promptly contact your professional healthcare provider.
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