One of the most difficult parts of parenting a child with ADHD is that it's impossible to give into every whim and demand. Children want many things - new toys, trips to parks, new ways to amuse themselves. On top of all of this, you have to make sure your accident-prone child doesn't bump into the furniture, stop the teasing and the whining, and remind him or her to start doing chores and homework. When this happens, kids only have two choices - they can either cooperate with you then reap the rewards of behaving, or they can insist on getting their way and avoid getting disciplined by confusing you. Here are ways kids insist on getting what they want, and how to teach them that no means no.
Badgering
"Mom please, just this one time, just this one time!" Children who badger try to get their way with you by repeating their request until you get worn down by repetition. The underlying message of this tactic is, "I'll shut up when you give me what I want." This technique is especially effective in public! Stand your ground by saying, "When I say no, it means I don't want to discuss it further."
Intimidation
Younger kids may throw tantrums, older kids may argue their case by reasoning, complaining, or trashing their room. As long as you pay attention to your child, the tantrum will go on. Simply ignore your child and walk away. Don't respond to the back-talk - just keeping walking and ignoring.
Threats
All children have declared running away from home if they can't get what they want. However, some threats like suicide are certainly more worrisome for parents. What do you do if your child makes a serious threat? Contextualize the situation. Does your child use this threat all the time? Does your child enjoy a good life, have decent grades, and fits in the family well? If your answer is "yes", these threats are not likely to be serious and should not be taken seriously. But if your answer is no, find out what's wrong and seek help from the guidance counselor or your child's therapist.
Martyrdom
If your child chooses to skip dinner, holds his breath until he turns blue, or sulks while everyone has moved on from the argument, he or she is trying to make you feel guilty. Your child is aware that you want him or her to be safe, happy and healthy, and acting deprived influences the way you exact discipline. As with tantrums, the more your child has an audience, the more this behavior will continue. Stand your ground and don't give in, no matter how guilty it makes you feel.
Sucking up
With this tactic, your child tries to get her way by being good and making you feel good. Chores and homework are done without any prompting, and your child might even take on other chores that are beyond his or her scope of responsibility. The message of this technique is that you'll feel bad for denying what he wants after he's been so good. While it's all right to give in to your child's desires after behaving so well, assert that you'll take away the new toy or reduce privileges if he or she fails to maintain this good behavior.
Dr. Yannick Pauli is an expert on natural approaches to ADHD and the author of the popular self-help home-program The Unritalin Solution. He is Director of the Centre Neurofit in Lausanne, Switzerland and has a passion taking care of children with ADHD. Click on the link for more great information about what is ADHD.
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