Sibling fights are normal among families with several children but if one of the siblings has ADHD, these little spats are practically a regular occurrence. Kids with ADHD tend to be more short-tempered and aggressive, causing them to bicker constantly with their brothers or sisters. Or perhaps the siblings without ADHD feel a little neglected or envious about not receiving any special treatment, which justifies hurtful behavior. Here are a few ADHD parenting tips on managing sibling fights and helping all the kids in the family get along.
Hold both parties accountable to their behavior
It takes two to fight, regardless of who started it first. As long as both kids are equally mean, hurtful, or violent during the fight, it's good to hold both of them accountable for their behavior. You can do this by setting a consequence that applies to both kids, such as everyone can't watch TV that evening. It doesn't matter who started the fight or whose fault it is; the other sibling is just as responsible for prolonging the fight.
Designate a bickering corner
If the petty verbal fights of two siblings constantly disrupt the peace at home, try setting up a "bickering corner" where they can hash out their issues. Schedule a time each day for your kids to sit down and argue - say, half an hour before dinner. You'll actually be surprised at how quickly the bickering stops, because they end up feeling silly trying to think of topics to argue about. Let your kids stay at the bickering corner even though they have nothing to say. As an incentive to avoid further squabbles, let the kids know that they don't have to go to the bickering corner if they don't have a fight during the day.
Don't referee your kids' fights
As long as one sibling isn't bullying the other, you don't have to get in the middle of your children's fights. You aren't the judge of who was right or wrong, or who the antagonist is. Instead, remind your children that fighting isn't tolerated at the house, and that there are consequences for fights. You can use the bickering corner as a consequence for fighting, or remove privileges that affect both of them as stated in the first tip.
Diffuse jealous feelings
If one of the kids is envious about the special attention given to the ADHD child, try not to reward aggressive behavior by giving more attention. Instead, reassure your child that you love him or her just as much. You can say something like, "It's normal to feel jealous sometimes, but your brother/sister needs extra help with homework. And I help you too when you need it. I drive you to your soccer practice and cheer for you at your games." Always remind your child that you value his or her efforts just as much. Praise both children equally by giving out little compliments most of the time. This technique is called "hypodermic affection"; the more hypodermic affection they receive, the more secure they feel because they feel like their needs for validation are being recognized and met.
Dr. Yannick Pauli is an expert on natural approaches to ADHD and the author of the popular self-help home-program The Unritalin Solution. He is Director of the Centre Neurofit in Lausanne, Switzerland and has a passion taking care of children with ADHD. Click on the link for more great information about what is ADHD.
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