ADHD Parenting: Breaking Bad Habits

There is a lot of biological truth behind the statement "breaking the habit." The developing brain of a child is made up of electrical wires, which forge connection between nerves that record patterns of association. These patterns of association are the things that make up an experience - for instance, feeling anxious and relieving this anxiety through pulling out hair. Such patterns can be common among children with ADHD. Parenting these behaviors is important because patterns become habits when they are done repeatedly. Once a child has a habit, he or she performs the action automatically, without giving it a second thought.

Does the habit need breaking?

Before working on breaking your ADHD child's bad habits, take a moment to asses if the habit really is a problem. Is it something that requires intervention, or would it be better to let your child enjoy the habit? After all, some habits will eventually go away. And to nervous children, these habits are a way of coping with the pressures in his or her world; taking this habit away might invite a more harmful way of relieving stress. Generally speaking, if the habit causes teasing or social isolation, or if the habit is harming the child (e.g. fingers are getting infected from biting), then you need to step in.

Discover the trigger

What are the situations that make your child pull hair, bite nails, or twitch? Is your child nervous, angry, tired, or bored? Call your child's attention to the habit and discuss it together. Try to find out what's causing the habit and if your child is bothered by these actions or feels comforted by them. If you can, adjust the environment to eliminate the cause. For instance, if you notice the nail-biting increasing when your child watches TV after school, it might help to find engaging extra-curricular activities that will keep your child busy and stimulated.

Offer substitutes

One way to avoid the habit is to provide a safer alternative. For instance, if your child's hands are busy squeezing a stress ball, he won't be able to nibble on his fingernails. Help your child develop this new habit through practice. Gently remind your child to fiddle with the substitute object when the urge comes. Make sure this object is small and within easy reach; hang it from a keychain on your child's backpack or put it in your child's pocket.

Find ways to relax

For some children, habits are a way of relaxing or distracting themselves from a stressful situation. Try teaching your child healthier ways to calm down, such as deep breathing exercises.

Dr. Yannick Pauli is an expert on natural approaches to ADHD and the author of the popular self-help home-program The Unritalin Solution. He is Director of the Centre Neurofit in Lausanne, Switzerland and has a passion taking care of children with ADHD. Click on the link for more great information about what is adhd.

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ADHD Parenting: Handling Sibling Fights

Sibling fights are normal among families with several children but if one of the siblings has ADHD, these little spats are practically a regular occurrence. Kids with ADHD tend to be more short-tempered and aggressive, causing them to bicker constantly with their brothers or sisters. Or perhaps the siblings without ADHD feel a little neglected or envious about not receiving any special treatment, which justifies hurtful behavior. Here are a few ADHD parenting tips on managing sibling fights and helping all the kids in the family get along.

Hold both parties accountable to their behavior

It takes two to fight, regardless of who started it first. As long as both kids are equally mean, hurtful, or violent during the fight, it's good to hold both of them accountable for their behavior. You can do this by setting a consequence that applies to both kids, such as everyone can't watch TV that evening. It doesn't matter who started the fight or whose fault it is; the other sibling is just as responsible for prolonging the fight.

Designate a bickering corner

If the petty verbal fights of two siblings constantly disrupt the peace at home, try setting up a "bickering corner" where they can hash out their issues. Schedule a time each day for your kids to sit down and argue - say, half an hour before dinner. You'll actually be surprised at how quickly the bickering stops, because they end up feeling silly trying to think of topics to argue about. Let your kids stay at the bickering corner even though they have nothing to say. As an incentive to avoid further squabbles, let the kids know that they don't have to go to the bickering corner if they don't have a fight during the day.

Don't referee your kids' fights

As long as one sibling isn't bullying the other, you don't have to get in the middle of your children's fights. You aren't the judge of who was right or wrong, or who the antagonist is. Instead, remind your children that fighting isn't tolerated at the house, and that there are consequences for fights. You can use the bickering corner as a consequence for fighting, or remove privileges that affect both of them as stated in the first tip.

Diffuse jealous feelings

If one of the kids is envious about the special attention given to the ADHD child, try not to reward aggressive behavior by giving more attention. Instead, reassure your child that you love him or her just as much. You can say something like, "It's normal to feel jealous sometimes, but your brother/sister needs extra help with homework. And I help you too when you need it. I drive you to your soccer practice and cheer for you at your games." Always remind your child that you value his or her efforts just as much. Praise both children equally by giving out little compliments most of the time. This technique is called "hypodermic affection"; the more hypodermic affection they receive, the more secure they feel because they feel like their needs for validation are being recognized and met.

Dr. Yannick Pauli is an expert on natural approaches to ADHD and the author of the popular self-help home-program The Unritalin Solution. He is Director of the Centre Neurofit in Lausanne, Switzerland and has a passion taking care of children with ADHD. Click on the link for more great information about what is ADHD.

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